Why I Hate Xcel Energy

By Brett Stewart

I really hate Xcel Energy. Last night power went out in my home. No, not last night, early yesterday afternoon. I was told the power would be restored within four hours, and the website I was able to access via my smartphone told me that it was a “green” problem only affecting ten or so houses, and I’d be up in no time.
    The power didn’t restore for eleven hours. After that, I had a glorious early morning where I was able to actually be productive, having missed all of my work the afternoon and evening before. The power went back out about an hour ago. I am now waiting patiently for the expected revival time to inevitably be pushed well into my afternoon. Thank god for laptops.
    So what’s the deal here Xcel? Google your name. Everyone hates you. You constantly add unexpected surcharges and fees to every bill and service. The biggest complaint people have is the inability to pay a bill online or even have a recurring credit card charge. You can’t do this?! What?! “Welcome to our monopoly, we run it like it’s 1997.” 
    I’m fairly certain you are one of the most hated names in the country. No one is happy with you. Look at any of your Facebook pages, it’s just people complaining about you constantly screwing them over or putting them off completely. If I try to call you to get service or tell you to get off your lazy asses and fix my power, I instead get a automated voice that basically tells me, “Yeah, your power is out. Sit down and shut up, because there’s no way in hell we’re getting your power on tonight before your smartphone battery dies and you’re left in the darkness.”
   
Here’s my mental image of how a repair must go down for Xcel:

Repair Man 1: Looks like a transformer went out on Grid 115.
Repair Man 2: Steak and Shake is right on the way!

~Three Hours Later, at the transformer, Steak and Shake shakes in hand~

Repair Man 1: Yeah, you were right. We did need to stop and get that car wash after lunch.
Repair Man 2: I think I forgot my tools...

    This is why I am adding Xcel to my list of hated companies that monopolize my modern needs. Sadly, I can’t live by candle light and wait 20 minutes for a DSL modem to download my emails before catching fire. (See ‘Why I Hate Comcast’)