Dear John Mayer , - A Rant

Dear John Mayer,

Like a disapproving parent, always with the belief that their child can reach their potential (But secretly knowing this is an unachievable feat) if they actually put forward effort… I write this rant to you.

Let’s be honest here. Let’s be really honest. Every single one of your albums does have its hidden gem, its diamond it the rough, so to speak. Do you know why? I do. It’s because you are a legitimately very talented guitarist, you are well versed in the blues, and tracks like “Bold as Love” let that shine. Your excellent skills revive well aged songs like “Crossroads” and “Free Falling” in a wonderful fashion that make them appeal to both the musically inept teenage fan-girl, and the older, more matured ear.

But then you go and screw it all up. You listen to your executives, the people who threw you a bone with “Room for Squares” and you've been at their feet ever since. They groom you for stadium sized fan-girl deafening “Your Baaaaa—ddyy is a Wonderlanndd” crap.

They told me this was stylish! 

The recurring problem is this – you are appealing to the mass, which causes you to throw away a lot of your potential.

Then, you run away from your manly-tears, hugs and kisses roots, and go in the other completely opposite direction. You wake up one morning and decide to grow your hair out like you want to look like Johnny Depp with a sense of fashion, but the end result is just a Neil Young who got lost in Urban Outfitters.

You have potential. (See video above) Let’s be honest, do you want your legacy to be breakup songs about Jennifer Aniston, or do you want to go down in history with some of the greatest blues guitarists to have ever graced the stage? You can get there, you are there in many ways, tap into that.

Cautiously Optimistic,

Brett Stewart

Also, please refrain from obnoxious dialogues in the presence of greatness, especially if they are annoying said greatness. (See Video) Nevertheless, that's still some damn good guitar playing. 

Reasons to Quit Facebook, and Responses to Your Excuses

I've decided to do it. It’s a big life decision, but I think I can do it. It’s like buying a new car, or becoming a Packers fan. It’s a big decision that will impact my lifestyle greatly: quitting Facebook.

So I’m sure you are asking, why quit Facebook? Where’s your beef with da Book’? I shall tell you in a bulleted list, because everything is better in a bulleted list!

• I Have Better Things to Do (And no, that doesn't mean Twitter.)

Facebook is the biggest time waste on the planet. I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours I’ve spent staring at statuses from people I don’t care about, memes or literally the dumbest things. Hell, most statuses are about how people are wasting time not doing what they are supposed to be doing. So now, I’m doing my entire lab report at 3 in the morning the day its due because I wasted my time reading about other people wasting their time on the same important thing. It’s the circle of procrastination. That brings me to my next item….

Here's you IQ... now, here's your IQ after being inflicted permanent IQ loss from reading Jeremy's dumbass posts.

• Procrastination

I don’t need to explain this. You know it’s there, and you know Facebook one of the largest contributing factors to not actually doing something beneficial with your life…. And again, that doesn't mean twitter you jack-wagon.

• The Stalking & Comparing

You've Facebook stalked someone. You know you have, don’t try and hide it. Maybe you found this Facebook stalking someone who liked this. Either way, it’s a waste of time, and honestly, very dumb. More so, and this is especially for you girls, Facebook is a fantastic tool for comparing your lives to those of your peers, or that random dude you friended who has the same name as you. (You know you have him….) What I’m getting at, is that why does it benefit you to compare yourself to someone else or stalk someone else? It’s not for your betterment or theirs, and may very well end in you not feeling too great.

When searching for images for this article, I actually found this. It's an "I hate Facebook" TIMELINE COVER.

• Cyberbullying, Dumb People, and Jack-Wagons

We've already talked about how most of your Facebook browsing is directed towards dumb people, but let’s talk about the harm it does to you, on a deeper, more emotional level. Facebook lets you actively watch cyberbullying, arguments that escalate vastly past what they actually are, (C.B.A.K – Cowards Behind A Keyboard) and mean posts. I've seen derogatory posts towards people I know, I've seen personal posts who’s only intention is to single a person out emotionally, (Ie, “I have this one friends and she’s a total be—yottch!!” Yes, I know you don’t actually say it like that, but I’m going to make you seem that dumb for posting it in the first place) and I've seen groups and movements that are founded by pure hate. In fact,  this item can go all the way down to you seeing pictures of an event your friends had that you weren't invited to. All of these factors are remarkably negative, they have no benefit in your life and just hurt you.

• Facebook Games.

No explanation needed, just imagine how much better your life would be and how much less hateful you would be if you stopped having to reject invites for any virtual games dealing with farms or mafias… or both. (It has to exist; it’s too dumb to not be on Facebook.)

Common Objections and my logical answers:

• Reconnecting with Friends!

If you actually care about what certain people have to say, and actually want to stay in touch with them… get their email, phone number, or better yet, see them in person. That’s an actual friend and a legitimate relationship. If you absolutely need Facebook to talk to certain people, only keep those people in your friends. At least limit yourself… that means you, Ms. 600 friends and counting.

• I just like to share photos and memories!

Welcome to Flickr, Google Picassa, or old fashion scrap booking. It’s the same exact thing, except now your memories are yours, instead of being accessed by everyone, their brothers, and the dude who has your college application on his desk.

• I plan events and whatnot!

Google Calendar is actually much, much more effective for this, and everyone has a Google account. In fact, Google is the answer to pretty much all of this, and everything.

• I have Facebook ‘Pages’ or important Groups!

This is actually a valid concern. I too have to be part of Facebook groups for Strike and Foglight, and I need access to Facebook Pages to monitor the Strike page and the Brett Stewart page… well, create a new account, and only monitor those things on it. If you want Facebook as a legitimate tool, use it as a legitimate tool.

With all of that said… think about it.  Maybe you’ll join me and quit Facebook for good. The social network really has no benefit to your life and if you have legitimate reasons for using it, Google has better alternatives anyway. Go live your life, don’t let Facebook rule it, or even contribute to it. We lose sight of how it’s only a website. Go ride a bike. Or fly a kite. Or fly a kite on a bike.

At least pretend to be active. Still better than Facebook. 

I am in no way responsible for any inevitable injuries attempting to fly a kite from a bike

• 
  

Why I Hate Go Daddy

I really hate Go Daddy. Go Daddy is the scourge of internet registrars. Here's why:

1. PAYING To Privatize Your Domain! 
When a registrar privatizes your name, they basically make it so when someone types in your domain name (example.com) into a whois search, it doesn't give them all of your info and your name, it instead gives them the info of your registrar. This is pretty standard and provides an important level of protection to customers who want to remain private. Go Daddy charges for this service, on top of what you just payed for your domain.... What?! No other registrar charges for this service, what are they possibly thinking?

2.  Website Tonight
If you are a website developer, an amateur website builder, or have ever touched a simple program like Wix or Weebly, you've worked on a more complex engine than Website Tonight. From a company who claims to be the best in every single endeavor in the interwebs, they have a pretty ****ty website builder.

3. Unlimited Bandwidth Scam
Now, you can't discredit Go Daddy for this... too much. This is a scam that most registrars attempt to pull, you should just expect a lot more from Go Daddy, a giant Superbowl ad-rolling company.
Basically, it goes like this:
Bandwidth= How much space you have on your site. How much content viewers can load each month. If you have a page that loads 1G of data and you only have 10G a month of bandwidth, you can only have 10 people come to your website. (God knows what you possibly have on that page to make it load a gig.) Anyway, Go Daddy tells you, "UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH, WOOOHOO! GO NUTS!" No. Don't go nuts. Because there is no such thing as unlimited bandwidth, that's impossible. If that was true, Microsoft would host their website with Go Daddy. They give you a very minimal amount of bandwidth under the impression you won't go over that. If you do go over it, Go Daddy shuts you down. It's all in the very, very, fine print Go Daddy is excellent at hiding.

4. Their Customer Support
I'm not even going to explain this one. I don't need to rant about horribly, terrible, customer support for you all to understand how bad Go Daddy's outsourced support is. Just see my Comcast rant, it's equally as bad.

The moral of the story? Do all your registrar work at 1&1.

Why I Hate Xcel Energy

By Brett Stewart

I really hate Xcel Energy. Last night power went out in my home. No, not last night, early yesterday afternoon. I was told the power would be restored within four hours, and the website I was able to access via my smartphone told me that it was a “green” problem only affecting ten or so houses, and I’d be up in no time.
    The power didn’t restore for eleven hours. After that, I had a glorious early morning where I was able to actually be productive, having missed all of my work the afternoon and evening before. The power went back out about an hour ago. I am now waiting patiently for the expected revival time to inevitably be pushed well into my afternoon. Thank god for laptops.
    So what’s the deal here Xcel? Google your name. Everyone hates you. You constantly add unexpected surcharges and fees to every bill and service. The biggest complaint people have is the inability to pay a bill online or even have a recurring credit card charge. You can’t do this?! What?! “Welcome to our monopoly, we run it like it’s 1997.” 
    I’m fairly certain you are one of the most hated names in the country. No one is happy with you. Look at any of your Facebook pages, it’s just people complaining about you constantly screwing them over or putting them off completely. If I try to call you to get service or tell you to get off your lazy asses and fix my power, I instead get a automated voice that basically tells me, “Yeah, your power is out. Sit down and shut up, because there’s no way in hell we’re getting your power on tonight before your smartphone battery dies and you’re left in the darkness.”
   
Here’s my mental image of how a repair must go down for Xcel:

Repair Man 1: Looks like a transformer went out on Grid 115.
Repair Man 2: Steak and Shake is right on the way!

~Three Hours Later, at the transformer, Steak and Shake shakes in hand~

Repair Man 1: Yeah, you were right. We did need to stop and get that car wash after lunch.
Repair Man 2: I think I forgot my tools...

    This is why I am adding Xcel to my list of hated companies that monopolize my modern needs. Sadly, I can’t live by candle light and wait 20 minutes for a DSL modem to download my emails before catching fire. (See ‘Why I Hate Comcast’)

Why I Hate Comcast

By Brett Stewart

    It’s no secret Comcast is among the most hated companies in the world. In 2010, The Consumerist even voted it the “Worst Company in America.” Having had many hours of personal experience with this horrid company, I’d like to share my two cents on why exactly Comcast is the worst.

    For about two weeks now, every few hours my internet shuts down for a half hour or so, and it always shuts down at the worst possible times. When I call Comcast, I get directed to a voice message that says, “Hello, we are experiencing an outage at your address. We are aware of the issue and technicians will fix the issue in the next four hours. There is no need to call again, press one for a return call when this problem has been fixed.” Here’s what this message says to me as the consumer, “Yeah, we know your internet is down. We don’t really care, so please stop calling us.”

    After listening to this message half a dozen times this week, I called Comcast to schedule an appointment for them to come out and fix the issue. Having clearly scheduled the appointment on Saturday, Comcast of course, showed up on Sunday. The clearly incompetent repair man then asked me questions like, “So, uh, what does your box do when your offline?” He then tells us the service in our area is from a cable running 200 feet down the line of houses I live in, and their solution is to replace this cable with a new one. Of course, this cable is a few days away, so they reset my box, forcing me to go through their annoying process of installing their bloatware onto my computer in order to get back on the internet, which is still crashing like clockwork, by the way.

    Upon calling Comcast about the issue, I get connected to an outsourced call center where someone who’s name is obviously not  “John” insists on telling me there is no problem that he is aware of. Keep in mind that being an outsourced call, I had to ask him to repeat things a multitude of times, and he almost accidentally signed me up for HBO. Finally, he tells me to check the outage information on Comcast.net.

....Really?

If Comcast didn’t monopolize my entire area, I would switch to anything in a heartbeat. I’m fairly certain using dial-up would be more reliable method of checking my emails than using Comcast, and I’m talking about the 1996 dial-up, the kind of dial-up where you get a complementary modem that sets on fire after a week and you have to triangulate six different phone numbers to your position to get it to work, so it comes with a map and a compass. That’s better than Comcast.

Now I just have to wait for my internet to come back online so I can post this.