Silence

Photo Credit: Alec MacLean (See more)

Kristina Hagman

The silence was deafening, and the pain ran thick. She had been in love, flying on a cloud. All the sweet words, the caresses in the night, they had all been for nothing.

            There was no worth in herself. Her mind was corrupted, and her body no longer pure. Now, even life held no meaning.

            Lying there, on the beach, she was torn. Water licked her fingertips, and she thought about how it would be so easy to let it claim her. A few steps into the waves, and everything would be over. The pain, the sorrow, it would all disappear.

            But the brief moments of happiness, and the joy would all be gone as well. Would it be worth it? No bad things, but no good either. It would be another place filled with bland equilibrium, for the rest of eternity. No feelings, and no end. Forever. It was a long time, to be sure.

            The tides came closer, lapping further up her arm. The gentleness reminded her of his touch, and her heart broke further. A single tear leaked out and rolled down her cheek, coming to rest in the crevice by her lip. She tasted it. It was salty, like the sea.

            The sea, the sea, the sea. It called out to her, a silent voice in the night. The waves made no sound, oddly, as they crept up the beach. Come, the cried, Come. Satisfy us. Come. We need you. Come. You need us. Come. We can help you. Come.

            Her hand closed around the moist sand, her fingers digging into her palm. She didn’t want to die, not really. But the thought was so tempting, sweet like sugar. It promised a place without pain.

            She stood up, wading slowly into the waves. Her splashes made no sound, yet still the waves beckoned her to come. Tears fell down her cheeks freely now, falling quietly into the ocean. Single drops, nothing significant at all.

            She felt like one of her tears. No one would notice if she was gone. She was just a single person, just one drop in the vast ocean. No one would care. The waves came up to her hips now, stealing the heat from her body. Goosebumps ran up her arms, and she rubbed them away.

            The water was cold. The waves were full of malice. Still, they called out to her. What are you waiting for? Come. It’s easy. Just let go. Let us take you far, far away. Come.

            Pushing the thoughts away, she shivered. The moon was out. A bright orb in the sky, illuminating her body in a soft light. She could barely see her reflection in the waves, but it was pale, sickly, and white. What was she doing to herself? Nothing good, that could be sure.

            She glanced at the moon again, but stray clouds had covered it. Slowly, painfully, she headed back toward the shore. The water reached out to her, not ready to give up yet. It wrapped around her ankles, reminding her of the promise of silence they gave. A defiant shout tore itself from her throat, the loud noise carrying far across the sea.

            With a final step, she pulled free of the water. Collapsing on the ground, she stared up at the moon. It was perfect and glowing, the opposite of her. She was as far from perfection as possible. However, she was at peace with that.

            Other people might not accept who she was, but that didn’t matter. Time could fix that. Death was still an option, but it no longer held much appeal. She curled up on the ground. And smiling, she fell asleep.