What The Strike Staff Would Like To See Played In The Olympic Games

by Jon Schulte

We here at the Strike Magazine staff have been watching the London Summer Olympics carefully while also  following them for our readers, and kind of picked up on an all too familiar pattern. A lot of the sports, Swimming, Gymnastics, Diving, Volleyball, Track, Biking, they all pretty much are on whenever you turn on the TV. We at the staff started wondering, "Hey, what ELSE could be at the Olympics? I mean, there's got to be other cool sporting events that could be on the International Stage, win medals, and have the best in that event from all over the world compete!"

So, we at the Staff did what we do best, put together a medal winning list on what we would like to see in future international competitions.

Taking home the gold with the most votes was a tie between "Intermediate Level Sports" and "Skydiving". Now, what would Intermediate Sports entail? Strike has the details on this real "Up-And-Comer".

An Intermediate Team, with Olympic Dreams intact.

"Intermediate Sports would be another amazing Olympic event we'd love to see. They're the same exact sports, just dumbed down to an intermediate level with mediocre competitors. Preferably ones who are on a High School "B" team, any league that associates skill level with a color in the rainbow or a shape, or a YMCA Community Dodgeball team. Also, only basic knowledge of the sport is required. Like, the knowledge you get pretending you know what's going on while watching sports with friends who actually know what's going on." - Brett Stewart, Strike Publisher

Getting the silver was another tie between events, "Fight Club" and "Romantic Horseback Riding". Now, even though Fight Club won, we can't talk about it, so Romantic Horseback Riding would look a little bit like this:

A Gold Medal Worthy Romantic Horse Ride Setting

"Romantic Horseback Riding has to be done... romantically. They will be graded, and not just in an arena, these have to be special, and they need to be, as it would imply, romantic, along a beach side, as the waves crash and the sunset cascades over the landscape, although graded with extremely harsh criteria. Preferably, the event would paint a Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks picture, classic romance, and a classy Englishman who still uses a pocket watch must judge the event, so classy and proper, he will not be recognized by anyone, he must be hand selected from a random town home in Cardiff or a like area. Gold winners would need a random appearance of the Kevin Bacon-y sort, and the rest of the cast of the 1991 film "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", just so that there never is any real telling what romantic movie or scenario the athletes will be painting." - Jon Schulte, Manager of Operations

Down to the nitty-gritty, we had one event, just one, that did in fact take that Bronze medal. And that sport, is none other, than Sand Art, the act of using sand on a light table to create picture, like in that commercial nobody actually knew the name for or what it was advertising, except a man could draw an owl with dirt.

It's a lion.

"Sand Art IS A SPORT. It takes skill, talent, and true athleticism. It will be judged on the basis of truly... y'know... what is art? Sand Art will be... more breathtaking than gymnastics and more intense than swimming. Sand Art will just be... THE BEST SPORT. It will be judged by children of all ethnic groups, so there is no bias, and must feature at least ONE RED PANDA. But really... it will be a spectacle to see." - Malone Byfobal, Photographer