Expedition Journals #4

These are the expedition logs of Larson J. Pendelton Ross the III esquire, Archduke of Canterbury.
Transcribed into modern day English by Larson Ross, a decedent of the Archduke.


September 30, 1885:
Though not much for conversation, Jeremy Two has her uses. For instance, her body would make excellent kindling should I need to hail a passing rescue zeppelin.

October 1, 1885:
Every day that is spent in this frozen waste blends together, nothing changes but the phase of the moon. Well, that and how much I hunger for man-flesh; those two phenomena do not correlate. On this day, my cravings are low, as there is plenty of yetti meat, but once that runs out, it may become insatiable. I’d like to avoid eating Jeremy Two if at all possible, as she is fun to trip into the snow.

October 2, 1885:
Happy Obscure-British-Lord-and/or-Battle day everyone! Oh joy, the holiday celebrating our tremendous victory (Or possibly defeat) over some country that probably doesn’t have any real power anymore! Were I to find myself in the streets of London on this day, I could see the upper-class throwing fake gold into the streets to watch the traditional poor-scrambling. The fact that I’m missing out on this holiday makes me homesick, I long to look upon the faces of the cockneys as they realize that the gold is actually fake. Perhaps I’ll try to construct some fake gold and throw it at Jeremy Two.

October 3, 1885:
I couldn’t find any gold yesterday, so I threw some Higgins-bone, it didn’t seem to have any effect on Jeremy Two, except to put a look of absolute horror upon her face. In other news, the tracks seem to be headed south towards the sea cliffs.

October 4, 1885:
The low hills of ice are beginning to turn to plains... of ice. Several times today I could have sworn that I saw shapes moving on the horizon, but I know that no people live anywhere near here.

October 5, 1885:
A small amount of snow found its way into my boot today, AND I WILL SET ALL OF THIS ICE AFLAME BECAUSE OF IT!*
*Note, the rest of the page is filled with ink scribbles, scratches, and a small doodle of a man cheering in a top hat and a skull mask riding a bird away from a burning plain of ice.

October 6, 1885:
An arctic fox graced our path today, and made quite the excellent lunch. What was curious about it, however, was the small figurine that was in its mouth when we found it. There are many scratches and cracks, but I think I can make out a word carved into its back: Havij. What could it mean?

October 7, 1885:
We reached the sea cliffs today. I make sure that Jeremy Two walks on the side of the cliff at all times, I’d rather not fall. I suppose that we could simply move slightly away from the drop off point, but that defeats the purpose of the adventure.

October 8, 1885:
I saw it! I saw the blasted thing! The pandacorn was right on the horizon, but a harsh snow set in before we could make progress towards it. We had to set up camp, but with the size of this blizzard, the pandacorn will have to stop as well. Soon, so very soon, I will have the aphrodisiac that I came for!