What I learned on distribution day

What I learned on distribution day

Joe Redmond

Today was a long day. It was rewarding, nerve racking, and frankly inspiring. I have never felt so proud of my staff and my peers. I consider myself a fairly cynical person, but gosh darn it, if days keep going like this, negativity will be the last thing on my mind.

[Insert cheesy picture here]

It was comments like, “You got Jake and Amir? That’s sick!”, “What is this…? Oh, very cool!”, “I’m really happy for you; that’s really something special,” that made all of the hard work Strike has put into the issue worthwhile. I still can’t get over the feeling of asking someone if they wanted an issue, to which they would respond, “I already have two.”

That makes me ecstatic. Two.

Suddenly the world was a bit brighter and people were a bit nicer, all because of one magazine. I would really like to hand it to the community, because something like this could just fall through the cracks. Instead, people reading and sharing our publication brought people together. The community had a common thread on which to discuss. One person even laughed out loud in class reading our staff editorial.

This would be nothing without the support of our community. We tend to dwell on the differences between us, but in the end, people are inherently kind to each other. It’s crazy how far a little optimism and initiative can go.

As much as I tried to focus today on school, today was all about you guys. You all made this possible. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading.

Silence

Photo Credit: Alec MacLean (See more)

Kristina Hagman

The silence was deafening, and the pain ran thick. She had been in love, flying on a cloud. All the sweet words, the caresses in the night, they had all been for nothing.

            There was no worth in herself. Her mind was corrupted, and her body no longer pure. Now, even life held no meaning.

            Lying there, on the beach, she was torn. Water licked her fingertips, and she thought about how it would be so easy to let it claim her. A few steps into the waves, and everything would be over. The pain, the sorrow, it would all disappear.

            But the brief moments of happiness, and the joy would all be gone as well. Would it be worth it? No bad things, but no good either. It would be another place filled with bland equilibrium, for the rest of eternity. No feelings, and no end. Forever. It was a long time, to be sure.

            The tides came closer, lapping further up her arm. The gentleness reminded her of his touch, and her heart broke further. A single tear leaked out and rolled down her cheek, coming to rest in the crevice by her lip. She tasted it. It was salty, like the sea.

            The sea, the sea, the sea. It called out to her, a silent voice in the night. The waves made no sound, oddly, as they crept up the beach. Come, the cried, Come. Satisfy us. Come. We need you. Come. You need us. Come. We can help you. Come.

            Her hand closed around the moist sand, her fingers digging into her palm. She didn’t want to die, not really. But the thought was so tempting, sweet like sugar. It promised a place without pain.

            She stood up, wading slowly into the waves. Her splashes made no sound, yet still the waves beckoned her to come. Tears fell down her cheeks freely now, falling quietly into the ocean. Single drops, nothing significant at all.

            She felt like one of her tears. No one would notice if she was gone. She was just a single person, just one drop in the vast ocean. No one would care. The waves came up to her hips now, stealing the heat from her body. Goosebumps ran up her arms, and she rubbed them away.

            The water was cold. The waves were full of malice. Still, they called out to her. What are you waiting for? Come. It’s easy. Just let go. Let us take you far, far away. Come.

            Pushing the thoughts away, she shivered. The moon was out. A bright orb in the sky, illuminating her body in a soft light. She could barely see her reflection in the waves, but it was pale, sickly, and white. What was she doing to herself? Nothing good, that could be sure.

            She glanced at the moon again, but stray clouds had covered it. Slowly, painfully, she headed back toward the shore. The water reached out to her, not ready to give up yet. It wrapped around her ankles, reminding her of the promise of silence they gave. A defiant shout tore itself from her throat, the loud noise carrying far across the sea.

            With a final step, she pulled free of the water. Collapsing on the ground, she stared up at the moon. It was perfect and glowing, the opposite of her. She was as far from perfection as possible. However, she was at peace with that.

            Other people might not accept who she was, but that didn’t matter. Time could fix that. Death was still an option, but it no longer held much appeal. She curled up on the ground. And smiling, she fell asleep. 

Imagine Dragons: Flying To The Top

The band, Imagine Dragons

By Jon Schulte



It's no secret that in today's music scene, you need to have something explosive, something groundbreaking, and something catchy to snag someone's ear, and their wallet. And on Valentines Day, 2012, one band did just that. The release of Imagine Dragons' "Continued Silence EP", their first major label EP shocked listeners, as this six track EP shattered the idea of indie and alternative music, combining intense and berating beats with songs such as "Radioactive" and "Demons", along with a mellow and emotional sound, seen clearly in songs like "Look How Far We've Come", "Round and Round", and the popular "It's Time", the band struck gold, gaining fans world-wide, and success for them after a hard-fought rise to the top.

Beginning in 2009, the band, made up of four reckless, fearless individuals, started recording self-released EPs at Battle Born Studios in Las Vegas, Nevada, hometown of the band's front-runner, Dan Reynolds. From there, Grammy winning producer Alex da Kid picked up the band in 2011, working tirelessly to get the band an audience and to send that audience a message; that they were there to stay, and that they were there to rock. "Continued Silence" broke the rules in every way, gaining a respectable crowd, as well as a new meaning to their music. The songs, with compelling lyrics that only come from the heart, have touched fans, which is seen clearly at their live performances, where the emotion and passion behind every word the band sings is clear, and very touching. The band also really shows off their passion, to the point where Dan once passed out into the drums during a concert finale. Events like this show that Imagine Dragons is unlike what we've seen recently from the indie and alternative songbooks. They aren't just music, they are a message. The band supplies a soundtrack to any underdog, and has faced and conquered challenges to get them this far.

The band's new album, "Night Visions", which is released on September 4th.

The unique sound of the band, using obscure instruments such as a mandolin in "It's Time", which has been nominated in the MTV Video Music Awards "Best Rock Music Video" category, and the bubbly, rocking keyboard tracks in "Look How Far We've Come", has gotten them the push they needed to release their first album, "Night Visions", scheduled to hit record stores, iTunes, Spotify, and other vendors on September 4th with all sorts of specific vendor bonuses on top of the included 11 tracks. The album, comprised of songs from "Continued Silence" and new tracks yet to be heard, is expected to go far.

In this time, the band is also having their new track "On Top of the World" featured on the new FIFA13 video game soundtrack, along with various other places in pop culture, including "It's Time" being used in the commercials for "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", as well as to be covered by Darren Criss on the Season 4 premiere of the hit TV show, Glee. Nobody can really argue that the band has already made an impression, with a long road ahead.

The release of "Night Visions" is expected to gain a huge amount of popularity, as well as their current fall tour with AWOLNATION, another popular rocker. The tour comes to the Summit Music Hall in Denver on September 27th and 28th, with shows sold out months in advance. Along with the tour, the band will make stops all over the nation, spreading their sound as well as showing off their talent and love of music. As a music lover, I couldn't, and wouldn't speak poorly of this band. They worked hard, and made something truly amazing. I recommend them to everyone I know, and also try and publicize their older EPs, Hell and Silence, and the self titled Imagine Dragons EP. Give them a listen, as well as any work done by the band, I promise they will not disappoint.

Why The World Loves Bob Dylan, And Maybe You Will Too

By Brett Stewart 

“The first time that I heard Bob Dylan I was in the car with my mother, and we were listening to, I think, maybe WMCA, and on came that snare shot that sounded like somebody kicked open the door to your mind, from 'Like a Rolling Stone.”

 – Bruce Springsteen inducting Bob Dylan into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten comments like “Why on earth do you listen to Bob Dylan?! He can’t even sing!” Or, “What’s so great about his music?” The most upsetting moment is when a kid my age is completely oblivious of him in the first place.

I’m writing this article to explain to my generation and those who don’t understand, just why Bob Dylan is so popular and will remain as a cultural icon forever.

1. Lyrics      

This will always be the first on the list with anything regarding Dylan. Dylan is the debatably the strongest lyricist and poet in rock and roll… ever. His masterpieces like ‘Mr. Tambourine Man’, ‘Visions of Johanna’, and ‘Like a Rolling Stone’ are among a massive four decade long catalog of lyrical gold. Even his weaker pieces like ‘Hurricane’ make our generation’s “lyricists” work look like Hallmark valentine cards.

The convicting and accusing question of “How does it feel?” rocked the entire musical world forever. In fact, I can’t even explain his lyrics.

“Darkness at the break of noon, shadows even the silver spoon, the handmade blade, the child’s balloon, eclipses both the sun and moon, to understand you know too soon, there’s no sense in trying.” It’s magic. (And don’t say its drugs; try to get a pothead write poetic beauty like that.)

I think the 'Don't Think Twice It's Alright' is the most beautiful song ever written. See video above.

2. The Electric Switch 

When Dylan went electric, the entire world was either overjoyed or just pissed off. When he played ‘Like a Rolling Stone’ at the Newport Folk Festival he got booed off stage… but this moment changed the history of music. Dylan went electric and everyone else followed.

3.  Post Electric Switch Trilogy

In the early 60’s Dylan was big on protest songs. ‘Blowing in the Wind’ became the poster song for the civil rights movement. When he switched electric, he had a three album trilogy of musical transformation. ‘Bringing it all Back Home,’ ‘Highway 61 Revisited,’ and ‘Blonde on Blonde.” These three albums are the foundation for rock and roll, and they’re just plain awesome. Tracks like ‘Ballad of a Thin Man,’ ‘Highway 61 Revisited,’ and my personal favorite, ‘Maggie’s Farm’ changed the way we rock.

4. Reincarnations

Dylan’s music is different than any other artist of his time, or of any time. It doesn’t die or fade away. It changes. Dylan has reincarnated himself into a different person and artist half a dozen times throughout his career.

5. Budokan

The 1979 album ‘Bob Dylan At Budokan’ is either praised as a musical masterpiece or a total P.O.S. However you feel about it, it doesn’t change the fact that an artist took 22 of his hit songs and made them a different genre. The album is basically a soul and reggae album. On its own merit, the album is outstanding.

6. It’s just good and there’s a LOT of it.

I look at my generation’s music, and it sucks. Some of it is okay or pretty good, but the vast majority of it sucks. Dylan is the refreshing light at the end of the tunnel. Not only does he have dozens of remarkable songs, he has a dozen versions of each one of those songs. He’s released over 40 albums. The Dylan catalog is vast and never ceases to entertain me. There’s always something interesting in it.

My suggestion to my generation? After you are done with this article, watch the videos in it. Get rid of the concept that it isn’t Party Rock, it’s meaningful. Just… listen to it. Get past the immediate impression that Dylan “can’t sing” and look onto WHAT he’s singing. And I promise, you’ll end up liking his voice anyway.

Oh, and then go on Spotify and listen to the catalog. Pick random songs. You’ll find something, trust me. 

Except stay away from "The Witmark Demos" and "Live 1964." I can't defend that crap... no idea what he was thinking. 

Lunacy- Answers?

Aaron Bilek

I could not contain my excitement. All of my colleagues ridiculed me for even considering taking on this quest, and the knowledge that I was the correct one was enough to keep my spirits up the entire trip home. Not once did I remove the cloak, not that there was any need to. The external temperature, no matter how hot, couldn’t affect the internal temperature, which kept me cool. The curious thing is, that when I asked a few people how I looked in my new attire, all I got was quizzical looks, as if they didn’t notice anything besides my clothes. I didn’t pay too much attention to them and decided to research the cloak some more when I arrive at my apartment. 
I hailed a taxi from the airport and gave him my address. As a test, I inquired about how my cloak looked on me. The driver just smiled and rose the barrier between us. He wouldn’t speak to me the rest of the trip and didn’t stay long enough to accept my fare.I filed the information in my head and made my way up to my home sweet home, apartment 523. Due to the age of the building, every step I took creaked under my weight. I reached my floor and headed to my door. Halfway down the hallway, I heard movement from behind me and wildly spun around. My face flushed with embarrassment when I realized that it was just my elderly neighbor Arty. he flashed a smile and complimented me on my new cape. It was my turn to be quizzical since nobody else seemed to even acknowledge its presence. I told myself I’d talk to him about it later, since now, I was starving. My door yielded easily, and after locking it behind me, I rushed to my kitchen and prepared a feast, for after all those meals I had skipped on my adventure, I had worked up quite an appetite. After consuming most of the food I had stored, I grabbed a final sandwich and sat down at my desk. I opened my aged laptop and considered applicable keywords for a search. After all, my journey wasn’t over with the discovery of my childhood goal, it went much deeper than that. I had to know why.
 Why was the cloak just left there? Why did I create a map during my blackout? The list went on and on. The details of my search online isn’t important, but what I learned was. Long ago, when humans were still in a hunter-gatherer society, an internet conspiracy stated that extraterrestrial beings brought technology and knowledge to the human race in order to further our advancements. once humans had built up enough power however, they wiped out the aliens and stole items of power from them. The humans built secluded shrines to these relics and the shrines were lost through time and war.
 Now, I’m not one to follow silly stories written by silly people, but when I read this one, I had a gut feeling that this was the closest thing that I would find to the truth. I wanted to venture further, however the pocket of my jeans spontaneously burst into flame. I ran into my shower and hopped in whilst turning on the cold water. The flames subsided, but the searing heat remained in place. After about ten minutes of residing underneath my shower fully clothed, the heat dissipated. I limped back over to my desk. Suddenly, I remembered what I had stored in my jeans pocket. I shoved my hand inside to see if I could find any remnants of the map that resided there. 
Expecting the worst, I found a paper fragment. Except it wasn’t just a fragment. The entire map was still intact somehow.  I was baffled. Even more baffling was that once the map was unfolded, it was an entirely different map than what was once there. instead of a chart ringed with symbols, this version of the “map” featured a list of what I soon translated to be coordinates. I sat in stunned silence at yet another miracle until there was a knock at my door. Shaking my head, but still in disbelief, I rose and headed towards the doorway. I peered through the lens to the hallway, but it was void of any life
 After I opened the door and confirmed my suspicions, I turned around, ready to go back from whence I came. Fortunately, I was looking at the floor, for if I wasn’t, I would have missed the white envelope resting there. I picked it up and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that the language written on the envelope was identical to the language on the map. I opened it warily and pulled the note out of its case. The note boasted the same language as the envelope and the map, so I sat down and translated another shock of a lifetime.

    Mack-
        It’s time you knew. After all, you have claimed your first artifact and I feel the
    ground shudder as the wheels you have set in motion roll. That cloak of yours, yes I
    can see it, triggered a countdown once it was removed from its resting place. This
    countdown ticks down to the release of an evil beast, one held captive by the magic of
    all items similar to your cloak. The only way to defeat this beast now is to collect and
    master the rest of the items. Your map should show you the way. I’ve kept an eye on you
    since your childhood, and I made sure that that map was ingrained into your life. The
    blackout was an unfortunate side effect of the bonding process, but it worked in my
    favor. You, and you alone, have been chosen to access the knowledge of the stars and
    unite the items to destroy the beast. Best of luck, we’re all counting on you.
                       
                                -Artemis “Arty” O’ryan

A countdown? My map? The beast? This answered many questions, but left many more in its wake. I sighed and re-packed my bags, for this was a journey that needed all the time I could give it. The only was I could figure out more was through experience. And boy, this journey, and epic journey, that will last throughout the ages, well, it’s just beginning.

Total Recall - A re-make that was actually good!!

by Brian Heissenbuttel

            Most great films are hard to re-make. The Star Trek franchise was massive in the 60’s and 70’s, but the 2009 re-make made long-time trekkies want to club J.J. Abrams with a Vulcan mallet. Letting George Lucas into the Indiana Jones franchise was a fatal mistake, and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was looked upon with shame by fans of the original three movies. Now Total Recall, from 1990, has been given the same makeover. Thankfully, it had better results.

            First of all, let me get one thing clear. Colin Farrell has nothing on Arnold Schwarzenegger. Come to think of it, nobody does. But he still put on a strong showing as Hauser, a spy from Australia. (Known as “The Colony” in the film)       

            Unfortunately, a lot of the characters aren’t defined well, and the movie ends with several characters identified by only their name and whose side they were fighting for. The reason for this is very simple; Hauser’s story is so confusing that a large part of the movie is dedicated to clarifying who Hauser is and what happened to him in the past.

            Despite the problems with the characters, this movie has an excellent storyline. Unlike most movies, this one has few events that severely twist the plot, but if you look down to check a text message, you will have missed something interesting. I guarantee it.

            The one area where the 2012 remake tops the 1990 original is in visual effects (obviously). With the plot taking place in the 22^nd century, anybody who didn’t consider flying cars and robot armies shouldn’t be working on the movie.

            Overall, I think this new movie is just as good as the original. That is very rare with films that are re-made. I would recommend this film to people who haven’t seen the original and to people who have. I think this will be popular when it is released on DVD. And thanks to the stunning visual effects and sounds, I would definitely get it on Blu-Ray.

Katie Ledecky and the Future for USA Swimming

by Brian Heissenbuttel

            In the London Olympics, several young and promising athletes made their debut. The most famous among these new athletes is Colorado native Missy Franklin, who won four gold medals and set a new world record in the women’s 200 backstroke. However, another young swimmer from the United States who is also young and extremely talented.

            Her name is Katie Ledecky. She is 15 years old and a Maryland native. Ledecky’s specialty is distance swimming. Her only event in the 2012 Olympics was the 800-meter freestyle, where she embarrassed the field, beating the silver-medal winner Mireia Belmonte Garcia by 4.1 seconds. She also beat Great Britain’s Rebecca Adlington by 6 seconds, who set a world record in Beijing in 2008. Ledecky was 0.53 seconds away from breaking this record.

            The one record she did break was the American record, set by Janet Evans eight years before Ledecky was born.

            With Ledecky being so young, I have no doubt she will break Adlington’s record in Rio de Janeiro and may break her own record in the 2020 Olympics.

            Between Franklin, Ledecky, and all the other young swimmers that will debut in the 2016 Olympics, the United States swim team has a very bright future.

The Day Music Tried To Drag Itself Out Of Its Grave And Was Beaten Back By An Ibanez

Early this year, an album came out that changed the way we look at music, by making everything else seem like an artistic masterpiece with the vision of all the great thinkers of the renaissance and ancient Greece combined. That album happens to be Reign Of Terror by Sleigh Bells. I am going to review this album track by track; in this way, you’ll never have to subject yourself to the ear-bleeding nausea that Reign causes.

Why?

True Shred Guitar:
The only true way to start an album is clearly fake crowd fanfare. Is this Sleigh Bells warning me that only fake people can enjoy this music? Who can tell? All I know is that nothing says “Hey, this band is edgy” like having the singer curse out and try to hype up the cheer machine for the first minute of the song.The actual song starts at precisely 1:11, and I could not be more sorry that it did. The song has the perfect mixture of terrible Ibanez mashing, generic pseudo-sexual lyrics, and screaming to make it sound as though a horrendous 80’s hair metal new wave experimental band playing under a bridge breeded with garage-band drum presets. I wish I had been in the studio to hear this conversation that must have commenced: Producer 1: “How can we make this band seem dangerous?” Producer 2: “Why don’t we have the lead singer say f*#k, and then censor it the second time she says it?” Producer 1: “Sweet feathers of Quetzalcoatl, that’s brilliant!”

Born To Lose:
Opening: Plastic Ibanez squealing and an electric drum beat, and NES era boss music, we’re off to a good start. This is a slower song, showing off the singer’s actual voice, so you know what it needs? If you said “Screaming!” in triumph to your computer screen then you are both correct and possibly schizophrenic. If you instead thought “Bears” then you should be ashamed. Seriously, it’s as if the echo of the singer has tourettes. I shouldn’t have said that, it makes me yearn for some Nirvana, but I must continue. Two songs in and I already want to smash my computer like a midget in a mosh pit. This is going to be a great experience.

Crush:
Why are they trying so hard to make this sound like real arena rock? Aren’t they going for the indie appeal? Could they not fill an actual stadium? Upon reflection, that is probably true. The tourettes echo has grown more confident, I feel like it will soon take over. The only words that I can hear clearly through the blaring sludge of overzealous guitar is “I’ve got a crush on you.” With all the depth that a sixth grader has to offer, the singer goes on to explain the feeling, but I can only pick out one word every sentence or so due to the guitarist apparently thinking “You know what sounds cool? Repetitive, evenly paced barre chords played with absolutely no emotion. HEY GUYS, LISTEN TO ME! IT’S SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” No, shut up. My anger is now Liam Neeson in Taken levels.

End Of The Line:
Hm, some peaceful, slow guitar riffs, melodic harmonics? This sounds nothing like the Sleigh Bells I’ve come to know and detest at the same level that Churchill hated Stalin. Maybe this will be the point where the album takes a hard look at itself and says “You need to change, man.” Nope, I was naive to even dream of such a thing. This song destroys the promise it had by introducing strange almost-rap and Muse style breathing. Also, they somehow managed to auto tune a guitar. It must have been the same settings they used on Nicki Minaj, because only something that heavy-duty could warp the sound that much. They must have blotted out a star somewhere to power that software.

Leader Of The Pack:
So far, it seems to follow the lead of End Of The Line. This is a good si-- and it’s back to half-hearted thrashing. That cannon shot at the beginning should have warned me, but I chose to ignore it. How I regret that decision.

Comeback Kid:
WHAMMMY BARRRRRRRRRR!
BARRRRRRRRRR CHOOOOOOORDS!
MUSSSSIIIIIIC WORDSSSSSSSSSSSZZSSSSS!
DISTORTION!
Wait, distortion seems a little extreme, let’s just do overdrive. And let’s keep those 8-bit sounds from earlier, and the garage band drums.

Demons:
Rejected Motley Crue guitar riff begins, and so does my anguish. If only I could replace my memories of this album with pictures of cats. But alas, no amount of internet searches will ever cleanse this horror from my mind. Do you see now what I go through for you people?! I know you never asked for it, but you wanted this, you cruel, baseborn fools. So I must continue, even if it ends in madness or worse, appreciation of this “music.” My only consolation is that this experience is over halfway over.

Road To Hell:
Did she just rhyme baby with babe? Did she just do it over 10 times? Why is there an awkward bridge with just heavy breathing? Is it supposed to be sexual, or just remind me of a fat man gasping for air after walking back to his car with a bag full of purchased cookies? Only two of the questions above can be answered, but I shall attempt to answer them all anyway. Yes, yes, because... Symbolism? Lastly, nope, it’s supposed to be a beached whale on fire.

You Lost Me:
This is hyper 80’s nostalgia, the kind that even modern Hollywood strays away from. I thought Kurt Cobain smashed this style of music into oblivion like a llama in a car compactor. Apparently not. That llama is still crawling miserably from place to place, leaving the occasional kidney behind it. Why can’t someone put it out of its misery?

Never Say Die:
Don’t tell me what to do. I will say what I want to, Sleigh Bells. Die, die, die, die, die, die. That’s not an instruction, but simply a sign of my rejection of you. This is the same drum beat from “Born To Lose,” and I hate you for it. Did you run out of presets? I am so very done with the whisper, overpowering guitar combo, please make it stop. Please. Please. Please, I beg of you. Nope, it’s 3:40, but it feels like a timeless expanse of darkness and Christmas ornaments. Oh, I see that there is one more song on the record.................
Why?

D.O.A.:
No. I refuse. I quit. Out of 34 minutes and 28 seconds of sound that is on this album I have listened to 32 minutes and 27 seconds. That is all the time you shall have from me, Sleigh Bells. Your album is bad and you should feel bad. Leave me in peace.

Rating: 16 out of 253 fewmets.
This album physically drained my will to live and left me an empty husk whose only purpose is to stalk the earth in ironic Buddy Holly Glasses and jean jackets. Everyone has a right to their opinion, unless you like this... failure. If you do, then you no longer get an opinion, I choose your thoughts for you from now on. In conclusion, I can recommend Reign Of Terror in one circumstance only: background music to water-boarding.

Review: Burger King Bacon Sundae induces vomit

Bacon Sundae used to trap teenagers into bad buy

by Joe Redmond

This thing exists and is in regular circulation.

“Thick, hardwood smoked bacon” and “velvety vanilla soft serve” never tasted so bad. That’s because they’re served together. And it sucks. It bewilders me that anyone could completely deface ice cream or bacon in such a way.

It was clear that some eccentric, skinny-tied big wig at Burger King was having breakfast and ordered his secretary Marge to get him some ice cream. He then absentmindedly grabbed for his spoon, and instead grabbed a bacon, scooped up some ice cream, and took a bite all while harassing Marge on his Bluetooth. He then realized what he was eating, and that it tasted horrible, and that kids would totally eat it as a dare. Thus, the wretched Burger King Bacon Sundae was born.

I like ice cream and I like bacon. However, these are two things that should never be combined, like toothpaste and orange juice.

People need to realize that just because two things are good does not mean that they will taste good together. What really gets me is that this Frankenstein of a desert is toted next to its fully-acceptable cousins, the caramel sundae, the strawberry sundae, and the chocolate fudge sundae. Was this some kind of joke? When asked who actually buys this stuff, the cashier responded, “Mostly kids like you.” Makes sense. Burger King won.

I give this "treat" two cows out of twelve, simply because the ice cream was pretty good once I removed the bacon.

Lunacy -The Conveance Cloak

 Aaron Bilek

Immediately, I tried the bolt, but to no avail. After examining the bolt, I concluded that it must have rusted shut. I reasoned that if the trapdoor was old enough to have a rusted bolt, it must have rotting boards as well. I searched my pack for a hammer I had brought with me and extracted it for my pending act of vandalism. Bringing the hammer up for the full-on assault at my goal, I noticed some strange symbology on my intended target. Paying it no mind, I smashed my hammer into the theoretically decaying wood. A crash could be heard throughout the orchard and flocks of birds were sent flying away. Before the impact I had closed my eyes. Now, upon opening them I could see no damage whatsoever on the trapdoor. My hammer, however, featured a broken head. I was too desperate and so close to give up on my life’s goal completely. Pacing back and forth, reconsidering my approach, my eyes fell again on the strange symbology I had noticed earlier. With a much calmer mind, I set about examining these runes. Pulling out my map, a comparison could be noticed. In fact, the markings on the trapdoor matched the symbols on the map exactly. I read aloud my interpretation of these markings, and was granted instant gratification. With a long, loud squeak, the trapdoor opened, revealing a pitch black hole with a ladder propped up on one side. I threw a stone inside to determine the depth of such a seemingly endless hole, but unfortunately, I could not hear any collision from below. Turns out the thing WAS endless. At that point, I had half a mind to ditch this project and get away from this dark anomaly. In fact, I started doing just that. But then I noticed night had begun to fall, and in the countryside, I could easily see the beginnings of a beautifully starry canvas. If I had left at any other time of day, my adventure would be over, and I might have had a normal life. But I didn’t, and my sense of determination returned to me, bringing bravery and courage along with it. I strapped me bag over my back and with flashlight in mouth,  began the descent. Periodically, the inside of the shaft was searched by my flashlight, never finding anything of importance. I continued down, never losing my resolve, never once thinking about returning. However, minutes of climbing turned into hours and my muscles became fatigued. Hours passed by until finally I reached the point where I physically could not go any further. Hooking an arm around the ladder for assistance, I took the dying flashlight out of my sore jaw and looked around one last time. Nothing new, my ladder extending infinitely above and below me, surrounded by bare, grey walls. I was about to return the flashlight to my mouth, but exhaustion reached me first. My last thoughts were of the beautiful night sky I had seen countless times. Then, I fell.

***

I landed with a hard thump. After taking a second to regain my breath, I realized that I was on a moving platform. With a shudder and groan, it slowly transported me to a doorway which blended into the surrounding walls. The door recessed and revealed an Egyptian-esque entrance to a tomb. My residing platform tipped forward and I stumbled into the awaiting hallway. My escape from falling until I died astounded me, but I had more pressing matters on my mind. I took a step forward, exploring the passage, when suddenly, with a resounding thud, the recessed door closed again. Turning back around, I noticed my path was illuminated by sandstone basins containing fire, but there was no obvious signs of fuel or smoke. Although this intrigued me deeply, I ventured down the path instead to expose more of this secret site. My journey seemed to be longer than it actually was,due to my tiredness. However, I made it. I entered a room similar to appearance as the hallway leading to it, just larger and containing a black coffin at the center. After my excitement faded, I explored the chamber. Without finding anything noteworthy, I turned my attention to the box in the center. I felt the smooth surface of the box and could not find any means of opening it. Before giving up, I remembered the words I had spoken to gain entrance to the endless hole. Once the words were said, the tomb yielded its secrets to me as quickly as the trapdoor and I eagerly pushed the lid aside. Inside was the most beautiful garment I have ever seen. It was a cloak, possessing an alluring and captivating presence that only the night sky has been able to replicate. It came to my mind that this cloak was indeed the night sky, but I pushed the silly idea out of my head. The cloak came out of its resting place and ended up upon my shoulders. The tomb rumbled and my thoughts raced to escape. Suddenly, the cloak engulfed me in its dark essence. There was a slight movement under my feet, but my panic engulfed any other observations. Just as quickly as it covered me, however, the cloak unfurled itself to reveal that I now stood atop the entrance trapdoor. I passed out for the final time, looking at the starry skies. I woke up around midday and tried to replicate the abilities that had allowed me safe passage from the tomb. No such luck. Planning on exploring more in depth later, I set out on my way home. If only I knew that that day was the first of many, with more challenges and prizes than I could ever imagine.

What The Strike Staff Would Like To See Played In The Olympic Games

by Jon Schulte

We here at the Strike Magazine staff have been watching the London Summer Olympics carefully while also  following them for our readers, and kind of picked up on an all too familiar pattern. A lot of the sports, Swimming, Gymnastics, Diving, Volleyball, Track, Biking, they all pretty much are on whenever you turn on the TV. We at the staff started wondering, "Hey, what ELSE could be at the Olympics? I mean, there's got to be other cool sporting events that could be on the International Stage, win medals, and have the best in that event from all over the world compete!"

So, we at the Staff did what we do best, put together a medal winning list on what we would like to see in future international competitions.

Taking home the gold with the most votes was a tie between "Intermediate Level Sports" and "Skydiving". Now, what would Intermediate Sports entail? Strike has the details on this real "Up-And-Comer".

An Intermediate Team, with Olympic Dreams intact.

"Intermediate Sports would be another amazing Olympic event we'd love to see. They're the same exact sports, just dumbed down to an intermediate level with mediocre competitors. Preferably ones who are on a High School "B" team, any league that associates skill level with a color in the rainbow or a shape, or a YMCA Community Dodgeball team. Also, only basic knowledge of the sport is required. Like, the knowledge you get pretending you know what's going on while watching sports with friends who actually know what's going on." - Brett Stewart, Strike Publisher

Getting the silver was another tie between events, "Fight Club" and "Romantic Horseback Riding". Now, even though Fight Club won, we can't talk about it, so Romantic Horseback Riding would look a little bit like this:

A Gold Medal Worthy Romantic Horse Ride Setting

"Romantic Horseback Riding has to be done... romantically. They will be graded, and not just in an arena, these have to be special, and they need to be, as it would imply, romantic, along a beach side, as the waves crash and the sunset cascades over the landscape, although graded with extremely harsh criteria. Preferably, the event would paint a Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks picture, classic romance, and a classy Englishman who still uses a pocket watch must judge the event, so classy and proper, he will not be recognized by anyone, he must be hand selected from a random town home in Cardiff or a like area. Gold winners would need a random appearance of the Kevin Bacon-y sort, and the rest of the cast of the 1991 film "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", just so that there never is any real telling what romantic movie or scenario the athletes will be painting." - Jon Schulte, Manager of Operations

Down to the nitty-gritty, we had one event, just one, that did in fact take that Bronze medal. And that sport, is none other, than Sand Art, the act of using sand on a light table to create picture, like in that commercial nobody actually knew the name for or what it was advertising, except a man could draw an owl with dirt.

It's a lion.

"Sand Art IS A SPORT. It takes skill, talent, and true athleticism. It will be judged on the basis of truly... y'know... what is art? Sand Art will be... more breathtaking than gymnastics and more intense than swimming. Sand Art will just be... THE BEST SPORT. It will be judged by children of all ethnic groups, so there is no bias, and must feature at least ONE RED PANDA. But really... it will be a spectacle to see." - Malone Byfobal, Photographer

New Strike Series- Lunacy

Aaron Bilek

As I lay here on my deathbed, rather than letting my bold adventures and stories die, I confine them to the pages of this book. I can write indefinitely, thanks to my nearly infinite spring of memories.

    Starting life on June 12th in the year 1954 named Mack Creb Adden, I was already considered strange. Not strange in a bad way, for when I was birthed there was a significant lack of crying in the hospital room. Growing up, I continually exhibited abnormal, but benign behaviour. I always ate my vegetables, went to bed on time and never complained about anything. When it came to school, my grades consisted of straight A’s and the only calls that were made home about my behaviour were those praising it.

The only really strange thing about me that could not be attributed to good behaviour was my extreme obsession with the moon and stars. I could be found atop my roof for hours on end, gazing at the brilliant luminescence of each point on the night sky. My interest of the heavens increased daily, until I was twelve years old, watching TV when my obsession increased tenfold. Imagine my excitement when I heard Kennedy’s announcement that man shall reach the moon within ten years.

Every night since then, if I was not stargazing, I was watching television for updates on the “Space Race”. Then, they did it. On July 20th, 1969, man reached the moon. I remember distinctly being crouched in front of our television set with mom and pop perched on the loveseat behind me. The lunar lander came in on its final descent. The hiss of the door exposed the men inside to the darkness surrounding them. Braving their fear, my new heroes took their first step on the moon. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much after that because I blacked out the instant that astronaut’s foot came in contact with the lunar dust.

I woke up the next day in a hospital bed, my mom asleep on a sofa, my dad crouched over me in prayer. I moved weakly, but it was enough to catch his attention. My dad cried tears of joy, hugged me all over and roused my mother from her sleep. She gave me a similar treatment. They explained to me that I suddenly fell over while watching the moon landing. When they rushed over to help me, I sat back up just as fast, claiming to need “a pad of paper and a pencil”. My parents thought nothing of it when I left the room. However, when I did not return within a half an hour, they became concerned and headed to my room to check on me. That’s when they called an ambulance after finding my body keeled over on top of my desk, unresponsive to outside influences. Once done with their story, a doctor was called in to look at my miraculous recovery from a comatose state.

I was released after three days of recovery. Once home I was regrettably confined to my room, for fear that outside sources could trigger another coma, this one more permanent. Tired of lying down and sleeping, I make a sport out of crumpled pieces of paper and my waste basket. I went through a notebook fairly fast, and went on a prowl for a new projectile source. My eyes fell on a pad of paper on my desk and I eagerly snatched it up to use for sport. However, when I analyzed the top page, I forgot about paper balls.Instead, I realized that this is what I must have done after I blacked out. This project utterly perplexed me because the symbols surrounding the main chart were unlike any I’ve ever seen.

My surrounding friends and family, if asked, would say that they noticed a distinctive change in my personality over the next year I turned from a free-thinking kid into a one-tasked machine. I did only what was necessary to decipher this chart, going to professionals, getting scans of the paper, even going as far as to seeking the help of psychics. Every result from my research came as a negative. But this would not deter me from my goal. As an exceptionally bright, albeit not social, student, I was given generous scholarships to colleges of my choice. I ended up pursuing degrees of cryptography and ancient languages to further my understanding of my one-minded goal.

When I reached the age of twenty-eight, sixteen years after the chart incident, I came to a breakthrough. By combining Roman numerals with ancient cuneiform to form symbols matching those written on the chart. By comparing the symbols to the symbols on the chart, I was able to decipher the chart to English. However, upon decoding, I realized that it wasn’t just a chart, but a map.

A map pointing straight to the heart of Old Jack’s Apple Orchard, on that was situated not five miles from the house where I grew up. I packed my bags and took the first flight to my hometown. I could barely contain my excitement to have finally decoded my lifelong obsession. After getting permission from Old Jack himself, I oriented to the exact location on the map. Using the natural landmarks outlined by the map, I made quick progress. Upon arriving, my hopes were shattered. Nothing. My life’s work. Nothing. Not so much as a sign stood where the map pointed. The only thing here was a decaying pile of leaves. I laid down to better cope with my loss.

A loud thump could be heard when my head hit the pile of leaves I was planning to use for a pillow. Using my bare hands, I cleared the pile away from my new glimmer of hope. In the absence of leaves, a bolted trapdoor exposed itself to the afternoon light; and to a man about to uncover secrets that have the potential to destroy the world.

Women's Badminton Players Disqualified for Intentionally Losing Games

by Brian Heissenbuttel

            Every Olympic athlete’s dream is to take home the gold. Most athletes will do anything win the competition. We cheer them on as they train by weight lifting, distance running, and practice on the field or court for hundreds of hours every month. But eight female badminton players from South Korea, China, and Indonesia have resorted to intentionally losing matches to gain better positions in the elimination rounds.

            China’s Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang, South Korea’s Jung Kyun-eun, Kim Ha-na, Ha Jung-eun and Kim Min-jung, and Indonesia’s Meiliana Jauhari and Greysia Polii were all disqualified from the London Games for fixing matches.

            When the footage is analyzed, it is obvious that both teams are trying to lose in both games. The serves are shot directly into the net, and the ones that barely make it over are hit straight down. I am driven to believe that is the first time everyone in a badminton stadium has booed all the players.

            This occurrence has positioned several teams, including Canada, in the elimination round with a chance to take home medals.

There are mixed opinions about whether or not the teams should be disqualified, so here are the links to the highlights. Decide for yourselves.

South Korea vs. Indonesia - http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/badminton/badminton-highlights-kor-vs-ind-controversy.html

China vs. South Korea - http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/badminton/highlights-badminton-players-try-to-throw-match.html

Why I Hate Go Daddy

I really hate Go Daddy. Go Daddy is the scourge of internet registrars. Here's why:

1. PAYING To Privatize Your Domain! 
When a registrar privatizes your name, they basically make it so when someone types in your domain name (example.com) into a whois search, it doesn't give them all of your info and your name, it instead gives them the info of your registrar. This is pretty standard and provides an important level of protection to customers who want to remain private. Go Daddy charges for this service, on top of what you just payed for your domain.... What?! No other registrar charges for this service, what are they possibly thinking?

2.  Website Tonight
If you are a website developer, an amateur website builder, or have ever touched a simple program like Wix or Weebly, you've worked on a more complex engine than Website Tonight. From a company who claims to be the best in every single endeavor in the interwebs, they have a pretty ****ty website builder.

3. Unlimited Bandwidth Scam
Now, you can't discredit Go Daddy for this... too much. This is a scam that most registrars attempt to pull, you should just expect a lot more from Go Daddy, a giant Superbowl ad-rolling company.
Basically, it goes like this:
Bandwidth= How much space you have on your site. How much content viewers can load each month. If you have a page that loads 1G of data and you only have 10G a month of bandwidth, you can only have 10 people come to your website. (God knows what you possibly have on that page to make it load a gig.) Anyway, Go Daddy tells you, "UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH, WOOOHOO! GO NUTS!" No. Don't go nuts. Because there is no such thing as unlimited bandwidth, that's impossible. If that was true, Microsoft would host their website with Go Daddy. They give you a very minimal amount of bandwidth under the impression you won't go over that. If you do go over it, Go Daddy shuts you down. It's all in the very, very, fine print Go Daddy is excellent at hiding.

4. Their Customer Support
I'm not even going to explain this one. I don't need to rant about horribly, terrible, customer support for you all to understand how bad Go Daddy's outsourced support is. Just see my Comcast rant, it's equally as bad.

The moral of the story? Do all your registrar work at 1&1.