by Brian Heissenbuttel
Sadly, this years NHL season has been shortened due to the
lockout. It is such a shame that we already missed some of the drama that
professional hockey always provides. At least we can be thankful that everyone
will not miss the opportunity to see the Toronto Maple Leafs hoist the Stanley
Cup. Most analysts would’ve thought a team such as the Coyotes, Kings or
Rangers would hoist the trophy this year. But they’re all wrong.
Toronto’s severe lack of skilled players worked in their favor
this year, thanks to an imminent lack of offseason drama. They didn’t need to
worry about any contractual issues with good players, since they have none.
Being the NHL’s dumpster doesn’t seem so bad all of a sudden. Also, think about
how much money the Toronto franchise earned over the years selling paper bags
for fans to wear. In the interval where no games were played, what would’ve
happened is still very predictable.
First of all, despite being retired, Peter Forseberg will injure
himself at least four times, either through a mild golfing injury and a serious
lawn mower injury. Second, Roberto Luongo will have yet another fantastic
season and will become Vancouver’s biggest social pariah every time the Canucks
lose.
Nobody will know or care about the Central conference until the
second round of the playoffs. Sure, one game when the Blackhawks play the Red
Wings may be televised, the press doesn’t want to be near the division containing
the Blue Jackets. The Blackhawks will have a successful regular season but have
their goaltenders fail in the playoffs. So will the Red Wings, only with fewer
own goals in the process.
In the Pacific division, Dallas will endure another year of
sadness and remorse, while the San Jose Sharks will come into the playoffs for
the sixth year in a row thinking that it’s finally their year. Warning-choking
hazard.
The Eastern Conference will be simple. Florida gets back to their
golf game as quickly as possible and the Capitals will suffocate once Ovechkin
inevitably stops scoring.
Boston would’ve won their division, Toronto would’ve won the cup
(obviously), and Montréal fans will be complaining how their team isn’t good
anymore. Sorry guys, World War II is over. Do the Buffalo Sabres still exist?
I’m not sure.
In the Atlantic division, Lundqvist will do well (again), Sidney
Crosby will score at least 50 goals (again), and there will be a lot of
controversy surrounding Martin Brodeur and his age (again).
I am just as sad as many people are about the NHL season being shortened.
Though we are upset about the Joe Louis Arena having a quiet new year, at least
we can all find comfort in the fact that San Jose will be torn to pieces yet
again in the playoffs, and (obviously) the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the
Stanley Cup.
